Search This Blog


Stolen Opus on Bloor

Brook begs police dispatch for at least 20 minutes

‘Tis the season for bike theft. We hate to say, “I told you so.” But, we told you so, so don’t complain. Only an alien to our neighbourhood could be exempt from Blossington torture and ridicule, punishment for not reading our last post.

Unfortunately, Bloor happened upon one such alien today. A few hours ago, Blossington witnessed a meltdown of sorts. Brook, a young man who lives at Jane and Eglinton, got his $3,000 Opus racer stolen from outside Discount Income Tax Services at 870 Bloor

Brook's Friend at Discount Income Tax Services

The result: panic, chaos, disorder, lots of warranted cursing and unabashed begging of a police dispatcher to “please just send them, please.” Brook was seen along Bloor frantic, stopping traffic, and asking random passerbys if they had seen his bike, and “Do you have my bike, please?” With tears flooding his eye sockets, it didn’t seem to occur to Brook that he was outside in his socks, that they were white, and that they were getting dirtier by the minute. 

Brook all over Bloor in his white socks

Brook says he was only in the tax shop for two minutes before noticing his expensive yellow bike was gone. Procrastinating on your taxes, Brook? What a waste. According to him, the rims, alone, cost $1,000.

We hate to kick a dog when it’s down but still felt compelled to press Brook on what type of lock he was using.

“No lock...” said Brook under his breath, followed by, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

So, why did Brook choose Discount Income Tax Services when he lives at Jane and Eglinton?

“Because I know a girl that works in there....Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Brook told Blossington Post reporter, DmD

He's obviously not from around here. He approached The Blossington Scum Bags, hoping for a witness. He made such a scene, that whoever was keeping his bike hostage, would not surface until way past nightfall, until way after bed.

Brook frantic, making a scene. He almost got hit by a car

Jano, a.k.a. Janush, a.k.a. the owner of Cyclemania said, “If you lost your welfare, and were acting like that, maybe I would feel sorry.” Jano was bitter because Brook had stormed into his shop, and without reason, repetitively insisted, “I want my bike, give me my bike.” Genius way to broach a subject with a group of guys who might actually help. Either way, Jano didn’t know where Brook's bike was, and now, he's far from starting to care. 

We wish Brook good luck on his hunt. Though he’ll probably forever hate Blossington, we, the people, will likewise forever wonder whether ignorance really is bliss. If you come to Bloorcourt, at least bring a lock child. 

(All photos by DmD)

1 comment:

  1. OMG, DmD! I totally saw that kid freaking out. Felt pretty bad for him though. I know if I lost my bike I would lose my mind as well.